i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
