his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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