He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
my being single is dangerous.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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