it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize