3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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