haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
