Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
