I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
