You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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