fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
