I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
