I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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