it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize