my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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