The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
