If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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