im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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