worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
jump out the window naked night went bad
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