i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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