Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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