Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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