I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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