I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I've blown a few things in my day
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
