"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
