nut hugger
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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