I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Success! We fucked roommates!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
