dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
