yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
