This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
