Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
