It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
