i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
