Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
