I can't breathe out the right side of my face
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
