my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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