Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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