At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
