It's Friday. Sex?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
