no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
