friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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