got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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