just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
