yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
