i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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