Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
