1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize