Me. At least after what I've been through.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
