I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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