just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
