Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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