Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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