I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
