i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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