I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
