I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
