tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
