At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
