All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
