This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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