I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
