no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
