chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
