Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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