Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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