if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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