capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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