i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Randomize
