i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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