I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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