How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
