She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
