Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
