Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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