It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize