I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So much rum. So many feels.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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