This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
