I'm gonna have a badass scar
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
