the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
