The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
