You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
