I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
