I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
