Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
