Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Do you remember whose house we're in?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
