I haven't been this sober since birth.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
