i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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