I think I died a long time ago.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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