So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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