I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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