Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
