She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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