Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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