Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize