The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
