I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
