So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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