what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
