I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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