Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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