The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
