OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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