Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
