It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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