I accidentally had phone sex last night
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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