I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
