I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
