We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
