I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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