Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
