It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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