so explain again why im purple
no
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
