My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
